Dear Jesse.

Today is the first time I’ve written anything about it but I need to, my mind and body is riddled with anxiety.

It’s been 4.5 months since you shot yourself up with crack and heroin, put a trashbag over your head and suffocated yourself.

Aimee face timed me that morning. She was sitting out font of your room, #622. Her fear was so palpable through the screen as she told me she had never heard from you the day before. You had plans to do breakfast with her. You never showed. At that moment I stood up and left Dylan and Jeremy in the living room to head for my office and separate myself from them.

It was coming.

The nightmare that had been waking me up at night over the last year was now on the brink of becoming a reality. Something about this time was different. I realized I was no longer holding out for hope. Instead, I was bracing myself against my computer desk. Aimee was waiting for the cleaning lady to come unlock your door so we could see if you were inside. I remember when Aimee saw her coming down towards your room, her eyes moved lightning fast towards the door.

Then it began.

The knocking.

Most times someone is blind sided by a horrific event. Most times someone is just living their life and then boom, a crisis hits them. I say most because that wasn’t my story. Those 60 seconds felt like time had stopped and was suspended right in front of me. It was and still is so haunting. There is something to say about being acutely aware that your life is about to be forever changed. It’s an awareness I wish I never experienced. And then just like that, whether I was ready or not, the cleaning lady pushed open your door only to have it stop 6 inches in.

I saw the life drain right out of Aimee’s face.

From that moment I could only see the phone being jumbled around through my screen as she made an exit for her car towards your room saying, “oh my god, this means he’s in there”.
I wish I could say everything that happened after that was a blur but I can’t, it’s all so fucking crystal clear. The screams of terror from Aimee as she said, “oh my god, he has a bag on his head, call 911”, will forever be etched in my memory. I was just screaming her name over and over and then the phone hung up.

My body dropped.

The screams coming from my mouth were so deep and guttural while I layed curled up on the floor.

The nightmare was real.

You were dead.

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The Upcoming SS ’14 Little Boogaweezin Collection Now Available For PRE ORDER!

We’re doing things a little differently for this upcoming season with Little Boogaweezin. We’ve decided to make our entire upcoming collection available for viewing and pre order! Moms, kids and babies are going to look amazing rocking what we’ve been cooking up! Everything went live today and ordering will be available through 1/30/14. After that you’ll have to wait to purchase the goodies in March when the collection hits our store. Hop on over to Little Boogaweezin’s website to check out and grab our SS ’14 goodies before the pre order closes! CHECK IT OUT!

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THANKSGIVING. minus the husband / plus a dear gal pal

This Thanksgiving was definitely different then most. First, Jeremy is working on location in Buenos Aires, Argentina, until the second week in December and since we’re on location in New Orleans, we’re not close to either of our families. Since J being away was a bummer it was a HUGE surprise and relief when one of my oldest and dearest friends, Shelly, booked a flight to come hang with D and I over the holiday. Three words concerning her visit…

Amazing. Refreshing. Needed.

The only thing (or shall I say person missing in this puzzle) was our other oldest and dearest friend, Steph. We were like the three amigos growing up. These two women are just like sisters to me. We’ve been through it all together and trust me, there’s a lot. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that in the coming year us three will be able to get away for a long weekend together.

So on Thanksgiving Dylan and I took Shelly to have some beignets at Cafe Du Monde and then pop around jackson Square in the quarter. I set up my tripod at random places and got some great shots of us three. Afterwards, we headed to the North Shore to a friend of mine, Michelle, her moms house. She invited us out there for the holiday. The cooking was fabulous and the company, even better. After grubbing we all headed out for a stroll to work off those turkey pounds.

It really was an amazing holiday minus the fact that my babe is in South America. Dylan and I are missing on him pretty hard. Can’t wait to hug and squeeze him soon!!!!

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My hope for you.

As your mom there are certain things that I can do to help get you set up for life. I’m not talking about your education and schooling but more about your inner world. Your feelings, your spirit, your connectivity to this thing we all call life.  As you grow older you’ll understand that everyone has a journey and during this journey there are certain things that will help you along in your travels. In my experience son, one of the most vital companions is music. There will be times when you can’t put something into words but a song or even just a sound will. This I can promise you. From the time you were in my belly your father and I have made music your companion throughout your days so far. In the car, while you played with toys, while you had dinner, while you explored different places, etc. As your mom, I’m doing whatever I can to help foster a love of music deep inside you. One of my favorite places to take you while we’ve been here in New Orleans has been the french quarter. There are street musicians on every block and you love to dance or sometimes just study what it is your seeing while these musicians play. I can’t tell you how joyful this makes me from the inside. It’s like I can see your love for music growing and that comforts me because no matter where you are in life, you will never be alone when you have music.

I love you, Dylan.

Ma

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Saturday in the French Quarter.

This is our second movie in New Orleans and I have to say, one of my favorite places to take D is the quarter. It’s kind of weird since I’m definitely that person who is all like, “i don’t want to be near touristy shit”, but I love to watch my son dance to the street music. Did I mention he likes it even better? So for that reason I’ll happily take him there. It was pretty cool to have Jeremy with us since when we’re on location he is usually working a lot. He actually leaves for Buenos Aires this Saturday for 3.5 weeks for the movie he’s on. We’re bummed since he won’t be around for Thanksgiving this year but on a happier note one of my oldest and dearest friends, Shells, is flying in to hang with us for the holiday. Check out the pics below of the little squirt rocking his dear big me tshirt from Little Boogaweezin while bouncing around and soaking up the quarter..

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Boo at the Zoo in New Orleans.

First things first, Jeremy and I had almost as much fun as our 22 month old. He and I were seriously radiating pure joy watching Dylan have the time of his life and dance his a** off! Oh my, Mr.Dylan hammed it up in his lion costume like no other. And his buddy? Mr. Spencer in his amazing chicken costume? These two were unstoppable last night at New Oreans, Boo at the Zoo. I would do this every year if I permanently lived here and my son never grew older then 4 years old. Now if you do happen to live in New Orleans and have a small babe then definitely go.

Alright, here are the pictures and I’m not holding back the quantity either. I can’t possibly narrow down my edits anymore, it’s a total mom problem.

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The best, BEST part of last night? These two squirts made it in the paper.. I kid you not!

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Pumpkin patchin’ it up in New Orleans!

Yesterday my friend Michelle and I took our boys to a lil’ local pumpkin patch in Metarie. Dylan was super stoked and her babe, Spencer, wasn’t completely sure about the whole thing. In the end he gave me a great little smile for the camera. I can’t believe my boy is turning 2 year old this December, what?! I still remember when he was moving all around in my belly keeping me up at night. Becoming a mommy has been a really amazing (and crazy!) experience and I’m just really enjoying it all.. um, except those tantrums!

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